This was an essay I accidentally wrote in response to a post on FB

Here: (to link)

For many years I’ve been living at an edge, willing to leap if the right opportunity presented itself, or if I could gather momentum to create one. (Do I dare intend this? yes.)

I have found some interesting opportunities; sailing with artist anarchist pirates around Fiji (!) (have temporarily lost the name of the boat), traveling on an educational mycelium loving caravan (the Fungibus) down the Western coast of California into Mexico and South America. Participating in a healer’s residency at a sweatlodge runnin’ ceremony retreat space and farm in Iceland (Byli Andans). There are a whole bunch of eco-villages that have caught my eye, in Quebec, there are some projects in the northern Laurentian mountains, and Valhalla (Quebec version) which is closer to Montreal, among many (have lived with some of people working on Valhalla and they have been pretty good with crowdfunding and communicating accessibly with a more mainstream mentality or with the eco-curious. if anybody wants to connect with a successful case study for their project)

There is Sólheimar in Iceland, and Findhorn in Scotland: also places to possibly dive into, to learn and learn and to find more clarity.

I have also had some profound and incredible experiences with community living on the land or in an urban future eco-harmonious environment, and these linger with me and some raise questions of further engagement.

I have managed to keep my time free and my commitments non local for years, I have also had no income for 4 years. I have got by, somehow, often in the city of Montréal, thanks to family, community and literally angelic support (it has been tough, it might be because of hesitating on taking self-sustained actions towards indigenous reconciliation, on learning to identify as indigenous myself (often really like the idea of moving to Europe to connect with ancestral winds but I believe anybody has the right to identify as indigenous wherever they are … do it right though). leaping far more deeply into nature and connecting with the land and elementals as part of my community. Giving protects me and also tunes me into my environment deeply so I know how to be safe no matter where I am. Regarding money I got more salt in me from all this no income living streetlike and am hesisantly willing to adapt to the world of money, despite very unsavory experiences. money itself is neutral, and am looking into passive income, putting my work out there more and offering healing work sessions, patreon for fundraising and basic income work, and a dash of psychic playfulness. The money might reflect my willingness to engage with the physical universe.

Regarding participating in Earth-human community opportunities, another concern is losing time from personal projects if the exchange isn’t entirely appropriate, though I know deep down that’s not true, that I can go for it. But part of me needs to know I’d be participating in a natural exchange if I am volunteering somewhere, service offered in joy and not duty, I get drained and depressed if work is rigid or undesirable and I am often inundated with a ton of knowledge and ideas and it can annoy people who just need me to paint a wall

I am a bit all over the place in terms of what I want to help initiate, to start from scratch more-or-less, which is why ultimately I rest in storytelling, where I could contain this energy, experimenting in imagination and growing things steadily knowing they will have a good enough foundation when we do begin physically building. Questions like, what does laundry in paradise smell like? Thoughts like, I don’t like pumpkin seeds, but I could. Literary world building is useful for social transformation and even universal change.

I imagine creating

a tropical research lab hidden deep in the wild jungle of the south, blessed by the ancients and our future selves, and its counterpart adventure camp’ eco-village with magical greenhouses and mystical landscapes and elvin council up north, leading to: a crystal city of light, in the far north. Full new age there but grounded, real. Real. A spaceship company. A medical/arts university (red brick real and purple orb cool). And i simply imagine these places. My intuition has me calling myself ‘captain paradise’, has me engaging with people totally different from me creatively, I search their hearts and wonder what common vision we share.

Sometimes I feel down as energy integrates because I am processing so much (sometimes it’s straight up depression but I’ve never identified with it I keep going).   If it isn’t this than it is studying ‘universe creating’. I have been imagining crests and anthems for new countries. Future styles of clothing.

Magical dreams call for a magical path so these are not projects I can ‘make happen’ even though also they are. and living without income for the past 4 years has been enlightening but stressful…. Confused roots but I am working on total gratitude re; family and societal support issues, forgiveness, and a fierce movement towards being well and providing for myself no matter what.

I know i got privilege to leverage too and have stopped running from it, to start. freedom is to share or it dissipates.

and sometimes none of this matters as much as being curled up in someone’s arms dreaming civilizations from out the clouds and communing with our livers and thymuses. wondering if there is no world to change but the one within. sometimes it’s both. and then sometimes everything melts into art and poetry.

under blankets in warm cozy sensual divination

and then i am prompted to ‘lead’ and ‘teach” which I have been slack on I know it. What I understand about the current state of affairs is that we are in a withdrawal or a die-off of a harmful collective microbe releasing its very last slew of toxins. But if we don’t identify it that way, we might risk swallowing the bug back down. I think the real revolution is about the power of committing to earth health and body health. There can be a natural sense of ‘well duh, we got this’ I feel with this intention.  No matter what’s growing in our guts or in the belly of Earth, we got this, with a bigger intention to create vital health, that we wrap around everything that comes up that becomes opportunity to heal and transmute. we got this. Probiotic love songs might save the human race.

We might really have to stretch ourselves to hold a greater vision of social health and individual health, but I can easily feel how with expanded vision, our creativity and possibilities are expanded too, ecstasy becomes relative and more accessible, it is easy to “employ one’s adversaries” towards a more holistic vision, transmuting difficulty into wisdom, through the distinctions reaped through the experience of contrast, and transmuting inharmonious energy into something everybody is happy about. Energy is neutral but can be unloved and therefore mismanaged. Perhaps original sin is the fundamental perceptual distortion: objectification.  God is in all things. Even words. And machines.

(After I wrote that last part last night I went into some sort of trance connecting with information about time travel and interdimensional AI viruses and the value of “””tradition”””” (very different word but that repetitive vibe))

Even though it breaks my heart to walk away from the co-op I was living at for two years in Montreal (currently we are evicted inhumanely and illegally by the landlord, makes me want to stay close until i feel it resolved (I do though energetically)

I know there is a higher road, and my sagittarius sun can’t ignore it. I want the highest road, the wildest heartdream, simply because it’s possible. why not. maybe stretching so big will help others feel like they could do anything.

****

PROSE I ALSO WROTE IN RESPONSE TO THIS INSPIRATIONAL POST THAT WAS SO INSPIRING I HOARDED MY RESPONSE( FOR A MONTH TO MAKE SURE THEY(ah) WERE GOOD ENOUGH, MY APOLOGIES

I need to be more fluid and not hoard work. May I share what’s ready when it is.

dragons are normal

the words are spray painted in green on the brick wall in the alley. you walk it for an hour but it could have been a year. walking through future time, imagining with your body and vision is your world. secret forests from out windows and you hear the wild out a loft. you could smell blooming life. an apple is joyously lowered from a window and offered your way. you take it.

vines falling everywhere. grapes above you. butterflies landing on everything. it’s idyllic, it’s an alleyway. you have one foot scraping grease off a black heart of oil and the other treading lightly above a new dawn of man. you can hear the echoes of sovereign indigenous chanting, so essential to this culture now, swirling geometries above each head. you could swear the concrete and alley bricks themselves have taken on a more vivid life, they smile.

above drifts a floating island. trees atop their roots pierce the bottom dangling into the open air and the whole thing is drifting across the sky like summer clouds. a chambermaid shakes dust off a mat into the road over the cobblestone.

reality is melting into what you wish of it most now. a horse surges towards you and slows down as it nears. get on, it says, in the horse dialect of your region. you get on and notice a horn.

it gallops four blocks and then you take off into flight. rising above a vast landscape you can see the future of your whole city below you. dragons are normal, you remember the word. you think you spot one below a cloud.

*

*

*

sometimes it helps to pray by scribing feverish prose that plunges you and who reads into a felt sense of the best future. by breathing in and out these seemingly distant worlds of love through the tones in our every thought, word and deed. by feel-imagining, or the knowing that these worlds are actually already right now, in the understanding all times are and that the experience of infinity expands from the center.

sometimes it helps to live as though it is no big deal, the best possible reality, better, to live the light ecstatic. it is who we are already. as though it is already a big enough deal to simply just exist. we are universes within ourselves/cells/we are each legions of trillions. we are already working miracles.

sometimes it helps to eat the coolwhip from the fairy cafe. to embrace the positive power of tending to the tiny things. to  dare make love as though we had never left paradise. to sample heaven’s dominant scent profile. to be a warrior of thought, generating powerful frequencies of complete realities, whole visions in which all ineffective or glitchy or straight very very awful dynamics of the present are woven something majestic, are made to work for a greater vibrant creative function, are part of a new dream for civilization. we are bringing the Nile these days. that much new water. it helps to dance the rising tides. or to dance like rainbow witch dragons do (really). to sing rainbow flowers of life into the mending sea. to throw etheric paint on all of the walls, whatever works, just keep going across wthe bridge, don’t look down. or do, and giggle

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